excerpt from my book The screw that refused to tighten by Jason L. Brown part 1

How I'd gotten there I couldn't figure , but there I was back in that warehouse where it all happened .  See when you become a cop they try to prepare you for sending someone to the big sleep . The fact is, that's the reason most people become cops, the chance to kill a bad guy or two and become a hero . Not me though I wanted the companionship ,the feeling of trust in your fellow officers ,a brotherhood, that's what I craved. It was all stolen from me though and it is that night that has haunted my every thought. So there I was in that dark abandoned warehouse wind screaming out side. One lonely light swinging from the breeze coming through the broken window, making it hard to see. My partner standing there with a bean-shooter to a kids head. The whole scene was playing out just as it did before but this time I was powerless to do anything but watch. I was stuck like an invisible witness, just watching the whole thing unravel. ` I felt sweat form on my head as I raised my gun and leveled it at Franky .Panic forming a knot in my gut. I heard myself say " Put down the gun Franky , I have to take you in." "It doesn't have to be this way George." He said " Don't you see those people had to die. They were bad people, all of them . They had to be punished." He'd gone nuts. Over the last three months he'd murdered thirteen people. All bad ,or so he thought . Two of them though had been kids . This kid he had now couldn't have been older than ten . Christ his balls probably haven't even dropped yet. I couldn't let him continue ,  he was killing people and that was wrong. No matter how much I wanted it be different I knew what was coming next and I couldn't change a thing. Instead I felt my thumb pull down the hammer and my grip tighten on my gun ."Don't make me do this ." I said. By this time my panic had hit with full force and I could hardly breath. "Sorry Jonzey the boy has to die there's no other way."As he said this I could see his finger slowly close over the trigger. From somewhere there was a man screaming in sorrow .That somewhere was deep in my soul. I was desperate to change what was about to happen ,but I couldn't . My head pounded with the force of a steam engine gone out of control . I looked down and saw that my finger was also on the trigger and like his my finger was also closing, only mine was faster..... There was a sudden crash and with a jolt I woke ,........